Anna Barker | My Experience of SGM’s Spiritual Directors Formation Programme
An SGM Interview with Anna Barker
Spiritual Formation and Personal Growth
Anna Barker is a Porirua-based contemplative, accountant, reader, maker and traveller. In this blogpost, Kathryn Overall Cass has a conversation with Anna about her experience of completing the Spiritual Directors Formation Programme in 2022/2023 and why she is so glad she did so, even though she is not currently practising as a spiritual director.
Anna, what drew you to doing SGM’s Spiritual Directors Formation Programme?
I’d been receiving spiritual direction for about two years. I was finding it very helpful in my own life and I wanted to know more. So I looked into it further and decided to push the door - and if it didn’t open, well that was going to be the end of it. It did open and here we are!
What was the significance of this decision in the context of your life at the time?
I applied in late 2021 to start in February 2022. I had had two quite bruising experiences at work in two consecutive jobs not long before and my self-confidence had been badly affected.
Switching to a part-time job in 2020 gave me a bit of mental space to do the Spiritual Directors Formation Programme. I would have found it impossible in my previous workplace. So, I feel as though everything came together at the right time.
My father died in February 2020 in the UK after a short illness and this was a great loss to me; Dad and I had many fascinating and energising discussions about spiritual matters thanks to the delights of FaceTime! I missed those.
I think he would have been excited to know about the course, and at times I felt as though he was doing it with me. “Dad would have loved this “ was a thought that I had on a frequent basis.
How would you describe your experience of the programme?
I loved it! Being with people who wanted to explore this contemplative way of being was exciting and energising. It felt like coming home.
I actually enjoyed writing the essays. Even though I always found it difficult to get going, it was good for me and I found it a good way for me to cover the material.
The practical aspect of giving spiritual direction was very challenging for me. This wasn’t a huge surprise to me as I am a very typical Enneagram 7. Learning to be quiet and listen was hard! Not staying “in my head” was hard. Not giving advice was hard.
As I’ve grown, I’ve realised that it’s good and healthy for me to be in touch with my emotions and experience things in my body - because I am a whole person.
In what ways was the programme a gift to you personally? What did you receive?
Grief - a couple of times the course cracked me wide open - and I was able to cry about my Dad - something that just hadn’t happened in the two years since he died.
Permission - to enjoy my hobbies of sewing and knitting without feeling I was wasting time. Coming to an understanding and acceptance that these were things that fed my soul.
Silence - the practice of an extended silent retreat (which is a requirement for the course) is probably something I would not have got around to otherwise. It was a a time of peace and healing. I liked the silent retreat so much, I did a second one the following year, and ended up doing my Special Interest Project on silence! Not what I expected.
Sobriety - towards the end of Year One, I decided that if I was serious about leaning further into God, I probably needed to stop drinking for a while, initially aiming for a month. Externally I was quite a moderate drinker, but on the inside I was filled with anxiety and shame.
Alcohol was both causing that and covering it up. I’ve been teetotaler since then (2 + years) with no regrets about my decision. I needed to do it to encounter my authentic self. I plan to carry on for another year and revisit it then.
WAIT - Why am I talking? A useful mnemonic in many avenues of life.
Were there any particular modules or books that were particularly significant for you?
The workshop on feelings was so helpful to me personally and I used the things I learned with my directees to good effect. I wish I had known some of these things in my younger days! Especially when my children were younger.
During the residential Kohanga Ako week we explored different styles of prayer. This was fantastic, Praying with icons was a wonderful experience for me.
In terms of our reading material, I really enjoyed Thomas Green’s books, and also have enjoyed sampling some of the classics such as the Interior Castle and Julian’s Revelations of Divine Love. In fact my bookshelf has become decidedly Catholic!
How has participating in the Spiritual Directors Formation Programme borne fruit in your life?
It has improved my listening skills!! Which weren’t always that great, to be fair. And made me a more thoughtful person.
I hope I’m less inclined to jump into a conversation with my thoughts on the matter, and more inclined to wait, to listen, to just be someone that can help another hold and explore some difficult feelings.
I am not actively practising as a spiritual director at this time. I had initially thought I might, but decided to wait until after Christmas that year. In the end I concluded that I didn’t have the energy to practice as a spiritual director and an accountant concurrently. As I was really enjoying my job (finally!) I decided to defer practising and use the skills I’ve learned on other things, such as facilitating a parish quiet day. That year turned out to be massive one at work so I was very grateful I had made that decision.
I have absolutely no regrets about doing the course, it was a time of real personal growth for me. To other people who are wondering about it for themselves, I would say go towards it and see what happens… it’s an adventure.
What is next for you? What are you looking forward to?
I’m retiring from my accounting career in mid 2025 and I hope this will be an opportunity to travel.
I’m very much hoping to do some significant walking in Europe, in particular a section of the Via Francigena (the “Italian Camino”).
I think my childhood obsession with Lord of the Rings (which has continued into adulthood) gave me a longing to walk and be a pilgrim which has not yet been satisfied.
I’m busy making lots of plans for that trip!
Are you feeling drawn to becoming a spiritual director?
We are now receiving applications for the 2025 intake of SGM's Spiritual Directors Formation Programme. Our two year, part-time programme offers comprehensive exploration of the theory and practice of spiritual direction, supervision for skill development, and significant opportunities for personal spiritual growth. Applicants come from all walks of life and Christian traditions and upon completion of the programme, practice the art of spiritual direction in a variety of settings.
